My Journal

ick

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 01:37:09 GMT

Been losing a lot of friends lately. Is it my fault? or am i just finally realizing that these people should have been out of my life long ago? Super sucky that i still love them all to death. Recently i lost two people who were close to me. Matthew Twardowsky and Andy Barrett. Matthew was my friend for a little over a year. But the friend i loved i only knew for a short time...then he went into the navy and became the most arogant asshole i have ever met in my life.
BLAH. I started dating Matthew Diebel exactly one month ago, and that is what ended my friendship with Matt T. All we really ever did was fight...so i guess it was bound to end anyways. blah. i just hate it! half of the time i miss him...and half of the time i HATE him. we are not going to be friends again unless he starts it...and i know he never will soooooo boo.
Aaaaaand Andy. Loved that man since i was a baby freshman thing in Highschool. I honestly and trully believed that he would always be in my life...
FUCK these emotions.
SOoooooooo i decided no more guy friends. I just want to be with my Matty and be a happy poptart and only deal with the drama that comes from college...not with douchy mcdouche face guys.

crazy update

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:23:20 GMT

hmmmm. Well i havn't posted here in a long time. And let me tell you homies. i have a LOT to write about...a lot.
Okay. sooooo in April joey came over and that was awesome and great :] we took him everywhere you need to go when you are in california. He moved here in May. He's going to AI ( art institute) in costa mesa.

Ummmmm, but on the 21st on June, i broke up with him. I love him to death, i really do, but i guess that love just turned more into a friend love =/ we're trying to be friends but its hard. And i feel so utterly alone now. He was the only one i let close to me, he was my best friend and now he's not there anymore and i have no one. So that sucks.

My dad left on the 16th as well. His sentence is a year @ Lompoc. Its absolute CRAP. He didnt deserve that. I miss him so much and i need him :( And then my uncle killed himself. My mom can't take it. She is always stressed and angry. My cousin has to be in charge of the company now and she's dealing with her dad and its so hard for her and her mom. And its just really hard and scary because we are all in so much debt and my mom and my cousin could be liable for some of the taxes and ick.

BUUUUUT on a lighter note, i'm all excited and what not about going to college. I signed up for my classes. I'm going to be taking Drawing, 2D design, world history, liberal math, and into to human communications. Sooo 15 units. Imma die. haha. I'm all excited though....as well as being scared out of my mind, :P

Been having a lot of nightmares lately too. For about 3 months now. Almost everynight. Part of me is like " homie, chill, its only stress" but then some of my dreams make me wonder if there is something in my room :(
this one i had a few nights back, there was this ghost figure coming out of the wall above me. I woke up 3 times during the dream and each time my cat was staring at the spot it would have been and was all freaked out and what not. So yeah, lol, spooky.

Hmmmmm. Well i think that is all for now. I'm really going to try to update this more. OH i might be getting my laptop todayyyyyyyy. YAY!! :D alright homies. Imma peace out.

Memories

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:00:50 GMT

My mom was talking about how my cousin was a stripper in Los Vegas, and somehow we got onto the topic of stripper names, and i just laughed to myself as the thought of Cara-mel came across my mind. :P And then i was snooping about your page and at first i was sad that Frank Sinatra was gone, but then i realized that Blue October was there and i got all happy like :P

Any who, tomorrow is the little brother's 11th birthday. Woot for him, and then on the 4th of Feb, i turn 18!!!! super crazeh!!!!

Oh!!! and Joey FINALLY bought his plane ticket!!!! *happy dance of ultimate happy* so he'll be here April 11th - 19th ^_^ so excited.

Missing you

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 16:56:56 GMT

i really want you back in my life :( Whenever i think about you it makes me want to cry.....it feels like part of me is missing. If you can come back...i pray that it will be soon.
I was looking at your profile a while back, and i saw that trailer for the new Tim Burton movie.....made me all kinds of excited :P made me even more spastically happy when i saw that Crispin Glover is going to be one of the voices ^_^ good stuff.

Life has been busy. Lots of conflict with the Joey's ex. BLAH!!!

:]

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 23:59:48 GMT

I just read a story that my friend wrote, its an awesome story about these dream liquids that make you have certain dreams. Very awesome story my friend :3 i really enjoyed it.

Today is the Joey and my 7 month anniversary!! :D makes me happy like.

Not much has been going on in my little life. Just missing some people something fierce.

The New Year

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:11:45 GMT

ah 2009, hopefully you will be better than 2008...a lot better. Even though i did have some AWESOME times this year, the majority of the time was kinda suckish.

New Years Resolutions:
1. Get back to updating my comic on time.
2. Learn to do it all on my own.
3. Lose 30 lbs!!!!!!
4. Draw and write more .
5. Be more creative.
6. STOP PROCRASTINATING!
7. Be more confident and outspoken.
8. Work hard when i get into college.
9. Learn a new language.

Lets see if i keep any of those. ha.

and thanks to another friend for trying to help me out with the 2 guy situation. Means a lot to me that you still care.

le sigh

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 01:57:59 GMT

just need to get this out. I dunno, maybe reading it over will give me some insight.

Joey is amazing. He loves me. I love him. He's very handsome and i think he is sexeh. he is adorable and my panda :3 He isn't very smart financially wise, and that scares me. he also procrastinates to the point where nothing gets done. And he doesn't get things done himself but relies on others. This also scares me. But we are connected, and we are so very alike. Like, freaky scary alike. We'll think the same things, or like when i am sad and i really need him to say something, for example if i am thinking all depressed and i want him to tell me he'd fight for me, the moment that i think that, he'll tell me it. And its the same with me when he is thinking things. Our hearts are connected, almost to the point where i can feel what he feels and where he feels what i feel. But he is also very very clingy. and if i don't txt back he'll call me freaking out thinking i am mad at him. Guess there are just trust issues there. He can't give me my space. I asked him for 2 days to myself because i need to think, and he calls me on the morning of day one. sigh. so i dunno. I love him though. Soooo frikin much.

and then there is Matty. matty who i have wanted to be with for like a year. and i KNOW he is loyal. i KNOW he is trustworthy, and he is a very strong individual, both mentally and physically. He wants to be with me too. He's an amazing guy. He can throw a tantrum when he doesnt get what he wants, and he tells me he is a warrior, and yet he won't fight for me. when i talk to him, he is all i want to be with. He needs me. He needs me to heal his heart, and to prove to him that there is something good in humanity. I also know that he and i would live a great life together. But i wouldnt even be able to be with him for about a year and a half. yeah

Either way i leave someone destroyed. Either way i leave myself destroyed. Either way, there is going to be a lot of pain. Either way, my heart is ripped in half.

But then i start thinking ...what am i doing? I am 17..these relationships are online....why am i making a commitment now? Shouldnt i wait till college, when i know what i better want in life?

So i really don't know. I have about a day to make a decision.

CHRISTMAS EVE!!

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:32:45 GMT

Happy birffday andy :3 i miss you like a moose misses...things...that are missed...by a moose....yeah. :D

anyways, blah day. snuggling with the cat. fighting with matty .....fun stuff.

You know what's FANTASTIC!??

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 02:41:16 GMT

Freezing your butt off all day. Grrrrrrr. I love cold weather and all, but i is so cold :(
I made cookies today :3 PEANUT BUTTER!!! they is tasty :D
Today was a blah day. I just hung around the house and watched my little brother. I talked to Matty alllll day. He's the last best friend i haves.
Mleh.
Headache.
Tired.

:3

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:26:08 GMT

listening to Frank Sinatra. feeling all warm and fuzzy inside :3
and now that i know, i will update this a LOT more :)
School let out on friday, YAY CHRISTMAS VACATION!!!!!! i spent way to much on x-mas gifts this year =/ i'm totally broke. Booooooooo to being broke.
Oh and wouldn't you know it. The moment i say " James is out of my life" he decided to be like " hey hun" and blah, but GOOD NEWS!!! i fell ABSOLUTELY fine just being his friend. :D the pain is gone!!!! *does a happy dance* yay.
been being a maaaaaaajor bum for the last three days. i need a shower. hahaha. i is greeeeeeeeaaaasssy. but whatever, i'm allowed to be a bum. :3
Have to finish all my college applications this vaca. i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get into Loyola Marymount university. :) and get into the animation program. if i get in, i get to make old school cartoons my freshman year and then after that we get to use computers and stuffs, but MAJOR coolness. :D and i would get to intern with like Disney, Cartoon Network, Pixar, Nickalodeon. be awesome. and they almost guarantee a job when you graduate :3
i really hope i get in.
Anyways, i need to get into the shower, the sis wants me to take her out to lunch. I love having my truck. :3
peace out!!!

HOOBLAH!!

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:57:36 GMT

so i've decided that i have bad judgment in friends, haha. because all but like one have turned out to be total Jerkfaces. James is pretty much totally out of my life, matty almost followed suit, but came to his senses, my best friend in my joey, and i knows he'll always be there. He was supposed to come out to see me on the 19th....but he didn't buy his ticket. i didi EVERYTHING, i planned out all the dates, i found him multiple tickets and prices and deals, all he had to do was buy a ticket. EPIC FAIL...sigh.
Anyways, i'm hoping that someone still reads this. Someone who i thought would ALWAYS be there. Someone i thought i would never have to be without. And if he does still check this , ( because god knows i check his myspace waaaay too much) i just want to let him know i miss him like crazy. and you are always on my mind.
any who, don't know if i ever said anything, but i moved like a month or two ago. Waterman Canyon in San bernardino..and its SNOWING!!!!! hell yes!! like. really snowing, and my cat is all mad because i threw him out in the snow for a while :D he loves me.
Lots of things have happened in my life....LOTS of things. Some big girl decisions. and of course lots of regret. .....lots.
but yeah. yay update =]

long time no post

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 21:26:10 GMT

just been uber busy with like college crap. i'm stressed out of my mind...and i don't handle stress well. so yeah. bf and i been together a woping 5 months. might see him soon.

just feeling bloggy

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 02:57:34 GMT

because i have ripped off my fake nails , liberating my fingers and they danced about in a joy-ess manner.

anways. Lol. i have been sick since like saturday. I got sick on my way to an art show...and to see and oogle the awesome of evil paul :P

I took a bunch of pictures today, but my film exploded. Sooooo no more pics. le sigh. was also attacked by a ground squirrel.

i feel dead

the end

ka boom

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:11:25 GMT

monday morning, i sit here watching The Soup and contemplating my little life. James isn't talking to me anymore. Blah. But whatever. I'll deal with it. But the bf and i be doing really good. Hurray for young love : ) School starts in a week. Ugh, need to do my summer homework. =/ comp is still broken so no new comics : ( bleck

Tru Blood

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:29:58 GMT

as I am little vampy child i be on the Vampire Rave...kind of like a myspace for "vampires" ha. Anyways i was just bebopin around there yesterday when i came across an ad for this:

http://trubeverage.com/

and i was oooooooooooooooh. haha. you all know i'm TOTALLY going to get this when i can find it :P I'm type A by the way...the artistic blood :p

its boring here

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:17:40 GMT

So i'm just waiting for my phone to charge. Its broken, and the only way i can charge it is when i put my battery into my sister's phone and charge it.....if and when she lets me. Blah.

OMG......i watches P.S. I Love You today....and i almost cried and i swear to you i was filled with this overwhelming feeling of love : ) I think its because i finally get it. Because i have someone that i love and they love me back and i dunno. lol. Movies never make me cry...well except A Walk To Remember....but thats because it just reminds me that James is dying and well...you know how much i love him...even if i say he's just a friend...so it hurts. Grrrrr. but yeah...about the loving and being loved thing...i have this online bf. He's like...20 and out of state as many online boyfriends are....but i dunno. Like...i used to mess around with online guys just because i could and i can't, for the life of me, get a guy out here...but like...he made me want to stop all that. So for once in my life...i am only with ONE guy. and that make me happier than you know. We've been "going out" for almost a month, but we've known each other for about 2. I know thats WAY to early to think its love and i know its probably just an infatuation....but i do believe that i love him and i know he loves me and he is the first person i've ever actually thought about and wanted a future with. And that makes me happy too. And he is so like me and he already knows me so well and he can always tell when something is wrong and he always knows the right things to say and he just makes my life better and he makes me happy. And i've needed him for a long time. And now i'm all smiley like.

*sigh* college choices are a bitch and my mom thinks she knows where i should go..and she has NO clue what she is talking about. *sigh* planning college tours... kill me. lol.

SPLEEEEEEEEEE

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:07:40 GMT

So last night i went through all my comics, and it made me remember why i love the artists that i do. : )
ALso, started a project that i hope to god i actually finish. Its just like a book about who I am at this time in my life. I want to be able to look back through it when i'm like 40 and be like....dear god i was an odd child, or if i ever do have a daughter i can be like, see i was just as weird as you when i was your age :P haha. doubt i'll ever have children though. SOmething tells me that i wouldn't make a very good mom =/

Started Nutrisystem. I lost over 20lbs on it in like a month the last time i was on it, So hopefully i get the same results.

Also. My life is going good for once. : ) so yay to that. I've also decided that all James will be is a friend. I can't deal with loving him anymore. It hurts too much.

little help please?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 03:36:12 GMT

Okay.....so there is this guy. and i love him, god do i love him. I'd do anything for the man. he's 26 and he lives in canada but he likes me and he likes his gf and he doesn't know who to choose, so i hold on with this little baby glimer of hope. i havn't talked to him in like a week and then today he asks me to proof read this sex dream he had about his gf and him and he doesn't even know what it does to me. FUCK! i dunno. should i keep trying, or should i just give up and make the decision easy for him????

why yes, i AM still alive, thanks for asking

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 03:12:42 GMT

So school is FINALLY out, hurray! which means that i will finally have time to post again : ) I just got my grades in for the semester and i do a happy dance because i got 6 "A"s and one "B" ^_^ i worked my ass off for those grades...MY ASS! haha. man....next year i will be a senior....thats crazy. You know who i miss.....Evil Paul, i need to hit an art show of his soon. If not, then i hope to see him at Comic COn. Ooooh, and next year i may have a booth at Comic Con San Diego for Monstergummibear : ) that would be AMAZING!

Stuff Yo!

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:54:35 GMT

Yeah, so here we are going to catch up on what has been going on in the life of Melissa :p
Okay sooooo, i signed up for Script Frenzy and FAILED horribly, haha, as i only really came up with an idea, but that does help me as i have decided to just turn it into like a story thing, yay. So i have a few pages on that already : P
OH! Saturday i went to the Fangoria's Weekend of Horror for the first time, it was very cool. When we got to the convention center there was this HUGE line outside and my cousin and i were like CRAP! because we hadn't gotten tickets yet, so when we went inside we were like PLEASE DON'T BE FOR FANGO! and then we saw what the line was for.....Adultcon, and i was like...wow, explains why the line is ALL middle aged men. hahahahahaha. But it was really cool, I bought a photo op ticket for the coolest person ever, Clive Barker, and checked out a panal for Brutal Massacre, then i went to take my picture with Mr. Barker, and OMG HE IS THE COOLEST PERSON EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! best moment of my life. :p THen i went to the vender area and went immediately to Gris Grimly's booth cuz he had two new books : ) and then i went to this one booth ( Creature Cabin) and the guys were super nice and gave me all this eyeball gum, ha and i bought an Orc Head, which we named Max Power, haha. Then we got DELICIOUS smoothies...mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
So that was fun, and worth the drive : )
Ummm, i get Kittens on friday ^_^ 2 little boys, lol. One is going to be like..mine, and the other like the families. lol. But I get to take care of them. Ummmmmmmm...i think that is it for exciting stuff. =/

Blah says I

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 01:37:10 GMT

OMG WHY AM I SO BUSY! lol. Its true. I think school is plotting to kill me...or maybe its the fact that i am actually doing homework at home now...and my SAT class makes me arrive home at 9 on mondays and fridays. Its lame. Anyways, the gym has been going good...Alfred is married. Go me. Anyways Brian (:buff mikie" as i call him because he looks like a buffer version of my cousin's bf mikie...) has been being really super cool with me lately. Its a cool feeling when people think you are a nice kid and help you out for no reason and like you. : ) Makes me happy. Anyways, so yeah, gym has been doing good. Been trying to get my mom to let me go back on nutrisystem because i lost almost 30lbs in a month when i was on it, but she is like " NOOOO!" i'm like...dude, i will pay for 2 months of it. I WILL PAY! rawr, because 2 months on that will = more than a 40lb loss. And that means i reach my goal. Actually i would pass my goal. I wanted to lose like 60, so 70=yay. Yup. Comic has been going well. A while ago Normality Restored ( Gilgrim and Killian's site) linked me. I died of the happy. : ) OOOH!!! excited about bats day this year too ^_^ fun times are coming up. Fun times indeed.

havn't posted in a while....

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 03:31:10 GMT

I know, i'm sorry....to those who actually care, lol. Ummmm. I got my license!!!! YAY!!! just been driving myself to the gym....its a good excuse to get alfred to walk me to my car...you know like " Oh, i need you to walk me to my car, its scary out in the dark alone" hee hee. He's like...late 20's but whatever! lol. Ummmmmmm. nothing else really new =/ OH!!!! yesterday i FINALLY finished my art room ^_^....and then today my mom tells me i'm moving....again. 9th time people....9th TIME! blah. okay. NIGHT

LIBRARY OF DOOM!!!

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 01:27:12 GMT

Oooookay. So i dunno, i always kinda got it in my head that a library would always kinda be a fun place for a little nerd child like me. You know. " FREE BOOKS!" but no. Not this library at least. I looks around me and all that i see is bitchy/ creepy old ladies and snobby ass yucaipa kids. THE HELL!!?? Why was i never told that the library sucks!! AND!! they have the worst selection of books....EVER!!!! **sigh** Okay, enough ranting. OMG this guy just walked past me and he smelt delicious. HAHA. Okay, I better go find the goddamn books i need. RAWR!!!! At least i get to go to the gym tonight. YAY!!!!! ^_^

my birffday

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 04:36:28 GMT

was monday. i'm 17 now....huh

Conan O'brien....sex god

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 23:08:25 GMT

hahaha. okay, so i got the new Entertainment Weekly mag and Mr. O'brien graced the cover with that rugged beard thing of his. I read his writers strike diaries and laughed my ass off. Then I stared at the cover for like an hour drooling...that man IS a sex god.